Analog and digital photographer, mediocre poet, and human being.
Pros of being gay: both you and your wife would get into the lifeboats on the titanic.
me: that's not quite hot enough let me just turn it up to boiling lava.
me: yes good i shall bathe in the waters of mordor.
me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?
me: i'ma read the back of this.
me: lather, rinse, repeat?
me: why do i have to repeat is your product so shitty it didn't work the first time?
me: hold the fuck up i have to write fanfic in my head real quick.
me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?
me: but you didn't have to cUT ME OFF.
me: did i already wash my hair?
me: i think i did but i don't remember.
me: i'ma do it again.
me: FUCK I REPEATED.
me: well played, pantene pro-v. WELL PLAYED
me: i wonder what it's like to have sex in the shower.
me: i bet it's awkward.
me: i bet a lot of injuries happen that way.
me: okay time to get out.
me: where the fuck is my towel.
i hate when you’re not in the same mood as your friend like when you want to slay your enemies and feast on their flesh and your friend wants to dance in a field of daisies and sing for the sake of singing like no stop that grab a pitchfork
when i was a child i thought ‘male enhancement’ pills just made you a better guy. they made you pleasant to be around. the man on the commercial had a big smile on his face and they made a point of how happy his wife was and everyone loved him. this is honestly what i thought